There are things you notice about Nigerian hip hop artistes but won’t say. You just rather keep it to yourself because you don’t know how its going to be received. Many Nigerian hip hop artistes have an ignorant followership and you stand a risk of getting called a bad Belle if you offer your not too favorable observation.
Funny thing is that a lot other neutral listeners who have had the same experiences with these Nigerian rappers are thinking the same things. Here are a list of thoughts that through your mind when you listen to some of these artistes.
1. You’re thinking – so the Olamide is crap
You know this is true, this thought runs through your mind all the time. You’re tired of his weak and under constructed punchlines. The guy can be a tout but you dare not say this out loud among your Yoruba friends.
You’re a bit disgusted by his voice and you don’t really understand his face. You were one of those who supported Don Jazzy during their brief feud at the Headies, because you subconsciously hate Olamide. But its all right, the guy is making hit songs we can all enjoy.
2. You’re thinking – What is Mode 9 even rapping?
You’ve heard everyone hail Modo and crown him king of Nigerian lyricism. You have joined the bandwagon and you’re one of the praise singers now. But you truly don’t know the meaning of his verses, no idea of what he says.
In fact you don’t have any of his songs on your phone, you never will. You probably only felt him just twice in your life, either when he wrecked Rugged Man on deathblow or when he shone on the Naija BET cypher in 2011.
You cant confess that you really do not dig the guy, because thats a taboo in the Nigerian hip hop culture.
3. You’re thinking – but Weird MC has to be a lesbian
There has been no official story but you’ve pretty much convinced yourself that the 47 year old Ijebu native has deeper feeling for the girl-folk.
You know that this is as ignorant as you can get, so you don’t say it out loud. However you’re waiting for the slightest rumor to jump on. Keep waiting till Jesus comes.
4. You have a meaningless crush on Eva Alordia
You know you like her, I’m not talking about normal agape. Her songs aren’t that great, in fact she has not had a hit about four years but you just like seeing her. That’s why you’re following her on Instagram.
She makes your heart go jigi jigi and you dream of her in compromising ways. But as a hip hop head, you don’t want to tell your boys that you’re having a celebrity crush.
I mean who does that? Not a real G apparently.
5. You’re thinking – It’s like this Phyno cant speak English o
Did you watch that Airtel advert, Phyno was put under tremendous pressure to speak a foreign language; English. Many neutrals don’t see Phyno speaking any other language apart from Igbo.
We all felt the same way about celebrities like Funke Akindele and Falz the bad guy. But they have allayed our fears through constant off-character television appearances.
Phyno should prove to us that he can speak English. However you don’t want to go this route in the company of your Igbo friends.
Disclaimer: Speaking Igbo is good, in fact its a sign of Nigerian pride.
6. You’re thinking – Ice Prince is packing quite a big head
I know you have noticed that the head on Ice prince is major. Mr Zamani is packing an unreal head to neck proportion. Its even more pronounced when he wears a snapback.
But you’d rather keep this to yourself as long as he’s making club bangers with aboki rhymes.
7. You’re thinking – Davido def looks like teenage mutant hero turtle
Not that this has any thing to do with Nigerian hip hop but think about it.
Just imagine if Davido was green and carried around a school bag like he did on coolest kids with Nasty C.
8. You’re asking – How old is Terry tha Rapman sef?
The guy has been rapping since you were in Primary 4 but still looks like he’s never growing old. Newsflash: Terry tha Rapman was born on 28 January 1976.
That makes him 41 this year! Wow so Mode 9 has got to be like at least 50 right. These guys are old chai.
Do we really want to see a 41 year old person sagging his pants and talking about how much of a badass he is? Bye.
9. You’re asking – Where the heck is rapper Phenom?
This guy took had a bright future with knight house. He stepped on that 6″7″ freestyle with MI and wrecked havoc on the beat. But 5 years later, he’s still an upcoming rapper, or pop singer more appropriately.
You know the guy needs a hit this year to resuscitate his dying career. But you’re not taking about it, partly because nobody cares to listen or sit around and discuss it.
10. You’re thinking – but Reminisce is using “bleaching cream”
The first time you saw this guy, he wasn’t pitch dark like Lupita Nyongo. When he came out he was just that fairly light skinned agbero guy.
Now he as white as Jon Snow, you wouldn’t have noticed but his thick Igbo’ smoking lips gave him away; they are just impervious to change. Un-bleachable, if there is any such word.
You also think the guy used to work as a bus conductor. Bye.
So Here are just 10 of mine, over to you. Drop yours in the comment box below.